A few years ago, I made one of the biggest purchases I'd ever made for myself. I'd been researching and considering for months, trying to decide. By the time I finally clicked "buy," I expected to feel terrified. Instead...I felt relieved. Not because I knew everything would work out perfectly. Uncertainty was still present. I still wondered whether I'd follow through fully. Making a choice ended the internal debate and freed up mental energy. I was viewing it as a choice between certainty...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
My “watch later” playlist on YouTube is out of control. I have About 10 Train Valley II specific level playthroughs a 2-hr John Overdurf hypnosis video Dozens of interesting podcast episodes Will I ever watch them all? Probably not. That doesn’t equate to laziness or lack of follow-through. (For me, or for you btw) All of us neurodivergent folks have tried things that didn’t catch our interest, or that we intended to come back to… but then some new sparkly thing captured our attention. It’s...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
When I was 21 and imagining a lifetime as a composer, I thought completing projects would naturally create the life I wanted: time to make art for fun energy to dance and move a lot feeling satisfied with myself But instead, the harder I tried to meet an external metric, the more I struggled… cut to me putting off writing the opening of this email because I was feeling perfectionistic about it. :P Here’s the thing… I don’t want rest, play, and self-acceptance to be rewards I earn by being...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
One of my favorite coaching moments from the past few months lasted maybe 30 seconds. I noticed her speaking faster, saw what looked like tension, and heard multiple competing priorities that her brain was struggling to sort out. (Relatable.) Instead of trying to fix it, I asked, What do you notice in your body? Because problem-solving doesn’t address most distress, and it’s harder to access from that state anyway (curiosity requires a certain relaxation). With a pause to notice what was...
2 months ago • 2 min read
Sometimes I get sucked into a popular self-help book and the back of my brain starts whispering, What if we got super-duper disciplined in like a non-toxic way? “More discipline” is a common piece of standard productivity advice (along with “try harder”). Well-intentioned people share planners! routines! time blocking, now with more pomodoro! have you tried waking up earlier?? The problem is that if we think the individual tools are The Answer, then when they don’t work, now what? Did I just...
2 months ago • 1 min read
For at least two decades, I wanted to become more productive. Many teachers and books preached the power of becoming consistent. I wanted to be a person who could be counted on to follow through… So that I could do more, and thus use more of my supposed “potential.” But as I faced another round of maybe-burnout-maybe-depression, I realized that squeezing my struggling brain for everything it was worth is not the life I’m trying to build. I’d much prefer to be able to compose something I’m...
2 months ago • 2 min read
Do you know about maximum heart rate? My partner recently went on a 40-mile bike ride with a pretty brutal climb. On that hill, they spent a while above their technical max heart rate. Bodies can do that…for a while. But they can’t stay there. It also made me laugh because, with asthma, I know my lungs give out before my heart does. I’m naturally more of a sprinter than any kind of endurance athlete. We have different bodies. Different limits where the system starts saying, umm plz stop...
3 months ago • 1 min read
For a long time, I believed there was a version of me waiting in the future. That future version had finally figured it out: perfect systems, healed enough, ideal supports. It seemed obvious that all my learning and hard work were headed toward that future vision. Surely the point was to eventually become someone who woke up and basically knew what kind of day it was going to be? I don't even really want that anymore (mostly, on good days). Because I understand my brain so much better. These...
3 months ago • 1 min read
Sometimes I look at my calendar and see something I meant to do… yesterday. It's broken down into understandable steps, and I have the time. I really, really want this thing to be done. And then it's 12pm, the start of the spacious 2-hour block I created specifically for finally getting this task off my plate. I stare at the screen. My brain goes blank, and my body seems uninterested in participating. I stand up and wander to the kitchen. I won’t even attempt the task today. You probably...
3 months ago • 1 min read