Sometimes I lie in bed running through everything I need to do, trying to get ahead of my workload without actually doing any of it. Often I start scripting possible future podcast episodes.

Which, as you may know, is not the best way to fall asleep.

I’m laying there experiencing one of the biggest tensions in my life: care for the meatsuit vs. captivating ideas to bring into the world.

My brain doesn’t really want to rest. It wants to do awesome stuff right now!!

But I also need to do laundry. And feed myself (as I said the other day to my partner, “I’m perfectly capable of feeding myself from the fridge that you stock!”).

How are you supposed to do the cool stuff when the “easy” stuff feels hard?

I think this is a painful one for AuDHDers: the gap between our dreams, and what we actually feel capable of on a regular day.

When I was trapped in ableist ideas, I thought I had to get good at laundry, food, and cleaning before I could get started on awesome projects.

By now, I've grown my capacity to take on large creative and professional projects, without burnout…and I still struggle with daily care tasks, especially during stressful periods.

I'm not particularly consistent with routines. There’s not a single thing I’ve maintained without breaks. (Remember that paper planner I mentioned earlier this year? Haven’t used it in two months!)

I also want to acknowledge that many people, especially women, have substantial care responsibilities with little support. Parenting, elder care, and other unpaid labor that other people barely notice.

It's not like we can declare that laundry & food don't matter.

But I worry about how much of our lives are spent trying to “get good at” boring tasks… to feel like we've earned the right to do something more pleasurable.

Especially when boring may always be difficult.

I've known creative people who downplay their skills because their house is a mess.

And that makes me sad. Not because everyone needs to accomplish something impressive, but because I think our ideas and creativity matter. Even something that reaches a handful of people can make a difference in the world.

I don't think you need to become consistently good at the boring stuff before your interests get to matter.

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I'm going to approach this from a few different angles over the next few emails, because I think a lot of what we've learned about capacity, effort, and what counts as “doing enough” is ableist nonsense.

But for now, I hope you'll notice if you've been assuming that the version of you who gets to pursue what you care about is also magically good at all that bores you.

That person may never exist.

And I don't think you should have to wait for them.

cheers,

Mattia

p.s. Is there something you've been putting off until you can get your life under control? You can hit reply to tell me about it, if you’d like :)