I believe AuDHD/PDA/gifted/ND folks deserve to live well NOW, not when we've figured everything out. Public posts here (sign up available to receive the rest)
What makes your life feel like your life?
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When I was 21 and imagining a lifetime as a composer, I thought completing projects would naturally create the life I wanted:
But instead, the harder I tried to meet an external metric, the more I struggled… cut to me putting off writing the opening of this email because I was feeling perfectionistic about it. :P Here’s the thing… I don’t want rest, play, and self-acceptance to be rewards I earn by being “productive enough.” And even though I agree with that intellectually, I still feel an urge to “make myself” do things on a daily basis. Because sometimes I just need to send an email or unload the dishwasher. Multiple times this week, I’ve said out loud, I’m so happy: while making coffee, and even while doing laundry (a task I used to dread). Because I love and trust my brain enough to take random breaks to snuggle a cat or read a few poems. I’m making bad art for fun. I’m going down random (unproductive!) research rabbit holes. Those aren’t rewards. Those are the little things that make life feel good (for me). And to be perfectly honest, one reason I don’t want to wait to experience a good life is because we never know what’s coming. I’m sure both of our brains are good at coming up with examples of what terrible thing could be right around the corner ;) In short, I don't want to feel like I’m constantly sacrificing pleasure for a future that is ultimately unknown. And I’ve realized that pleasure is meaningful to me, so I don’t have to choose between the two. I can have a meaningful morning without doing anything impressive. If understanding your brain only helped you finish projects… that would still be meaningful. But in my experience, it doesn’t stop there. It shifts the way you move through ordinary Thursdays. It softens the way you speak to yourself when doing a hard thing. It makes it possible to build a life your brain actually wants to live in. Happily, Mattia p.s. If someone asked you, What makes your life feel like your life? what might you say? |
Hi, I'm Mattia Maurée (they/them)
I believe AuDHD/PDA/gifted/ND folks deserve to live well NOW, not when we've figured everything out. Public posts here (sign up available to receive the rest)
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