I believe AuDHD/PDA/gifted/ND folks deserve to live well NOW, not when we've figured everything out. Public posts here (sign up available to receive the rest)
You can't squint your way to better eyesight
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Sometimes I get sucked into a popular self-help book and the back of my brain starts whispering, What if we got super-duper disciplined in like a non-toxic way? “More discipline” is a common piece of standard productivity advice (along with “try harder”). Well-intentioned people share planners! routines! time blocking, now with more pomodoro! have you tried waking up earlier?? The problem is that if we think the individual tools are The Answer, then when they don’t work, now what? Did I just not try hard enough? Because I was homeschooled, there weren’t a lot of opportunities to learn when I needed glasses. Then, when I was 11, I tried on my mom’s glasses and yelped, YOU can see INDIVIDUAL LEAVES on TREES??? Umm yeah, I’m nearsighted. Would you tell a nearsighted kid to squint harder? I know a lot of neurodivergent people trying to solve a nervous system problem with discipline. Some problems can’t be solved through pure determination. They require understanding the exact issue, and sometimes building a customized response. Not a single person has reached out to me and said, Yeah, I really haven’t tried anything yet. On the contrary, they’ve been researching and experimenting, often since childhood, and often with very little help. Just because the “solutions” haven’t worked doesn’t mean they don’t care! If anything, they care so much that it turns into stuckness. Sometimes I sense desperation under the desire to use their talents and bring something into the world. Because they’ve already tried so hard. What if discipline isn't the missing ingredient? What if understanding your brain is? Then you get to stop measuring yourself against standards that have nothing to do with how your nervous system actually works. Few people believe me when I say that self-kindness is more effective in the long run… because it doesn’t line up with their experience of “what works” so far. But… is trying to be a totally different person really working? Over the next couple emails, I’m digging into this more. Because asking the right questions changed my life. Mattia p.s. Some nervous systems are calmed by body doubling, so I made a video of me cleaning my office with regular checkins. If that's your thing, here 'tis |
Hi, I'm Mattia Maurée (they/them)
I believe AuDHD/PDA/gifted/ND folks deserve to live well NOW, not when we've figured everything out. Public posts here (sign up available to receive the rest)
Occasionally I end up working until 7 pm. But when I’m done working, I get to disconnect and feel done-done. The urgent feeling to keep going is rare now. Instead of being my normal, I notice stress is unusually high if I’m having trouble powering down. Most nights, I’m not scripting conversations as I fall asleep. I get to stop. It’s an ordinary thing, in theory. But I've experienced more of this feeling in 2026 than in the rest of my life put together. The word that keeps coming to mind is...
Clients sometimes tell me they “haven’t been doing anything,” and then when we dig into it, it turns out they have been working incredibly hard. But a lot of that effort is invisible. Invisible labor can look like Emotionally regulating so you can make a phone call Being there for a friend having a hard time, while trying to soothe the part of you feeling like you’re not doing a good job in the conversation Having to re-wash the laundry three times because you keep forgetting about it while...
Sometimes I lie in bed running through everything I need to do, trying to get ahead of my workload without actually doing any of it. Often I start scripting possible future podcast episodes. Which, as you may know, is not the best way to fall asleep. I’m laying there experiencing one of the biggest tensions in my life: care for the meatsuit vs. captivating ideas to bring into the world. My brain doesn’t really want to rest. It wants to do awesome stuff right now!! But I also need to do...