Do you know about maximum heart rate?

My partner recently went on a 40-mile bike ride with a pretty brutal climb. On that hill, they spent a while above their technical max heart rate.

Bodies can do that…for a while. But they can’t stay there.

It also made me laugh because, with asthma, I know my lungs give out before my heart does. I’m naturally more of a sprinter than any kind of endurance athlete. We have different bodies. Different limits where the system starts saying, umm plz stop before I have to stop you

I wonder how many neurodivergent people are doing something similar every day.

When I talk with coaching clients, one of the most common themes isn't directly executive dysfunction, it’s this feeling that they’re always behind. Sometimes that feels like wasting their potential.

Or put another way, they’re exhausted while also convinced that the answer is trying harder.

From my perspective, they're already working incredibly hard.

They're managing sensory needs, showing up to appointments, and recovering from work and social time. They’re eating, showering, and sleeping. Then on top of that, often learning about AuDHD, and keeping an eye out for new tools or systems that might help.

All of that is work.

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One of the discouraging parts of being neurodivergent is that so much of our effort is invisible.

If you run a marathon, everyone understands why you need recovery time.

But if you spend an entire day regulating your nervous system so that you don’t have a meltdown, there’s no cultural permission to rest and say, Wow, that was a lot!

Instead, the message says: Be more disciplined. Get more motivated. Push through.

As if what’s missing is simply wanting it more, or trying harder.

But it’s the expectations that hurt us:

• We should be able to operate at our maximum capacity all the time.
• Every day’s energy and output should look the same.
• Rest is something we earn after everything is finished. (Because yeah, we totally have achievable to-do lists)

I actually love meaningful work. But I’m in no way convinced that we can live above our own version of maximum heart rate every day.

Maybe the goal isn't learning how to permanently override your nervous system into maximum performance.

It could be learning what your own sustainable pace looks like.

Then the variable energy/motivation becomes part of your normal. It’s helped me trust myself so much more, because I know what’s possible for my brain.

Mattia

p.s. Do you ever lay in bed thinking, I tried so hard today, while simultaneously feeling guilty that you didn't get enough done? You’re not alone <3