The biggest realization I've had about productivity

Published 3 months ago • 1 min read

For a long time, I believed there was a version of me waiting in the future.

That future version had finally figured it out: perfect systems, healed enough, ideal supports.

It seemed obvious that all my learning and hard work were headed toward that future vision. Surely the point was to eventually become someone who woke up and basically knew what kind of day it was going to be?

I don't even really want that anymore (mostly, on good days). Because I understand my brain so much better.

These days, I know there will be mornings when everything clicks. Those lovely flow days when creating feels easy, and it’s like I’m dancing between tasks. On these fabulous days, I actually feel like I’m meeting my potential (whatever that means).

I also know there will be days when I spend 60 minutes deciding whether or not to shower, and another hour annoyed later that I chose “wrong.”

Sometimes my brain needs whole days cleared out.

It’s hard to love that variability.

When I stopped expecting every day to be a “good brain day,” I was able to release my grip on that desire for consistency.

That slight relaxation let me stop trying to be exactly the same person I was yesterday, or on that sparkling day two months ago.

It also let me start focusing on what matters: the support that my brain needs today.

I started trusting myself more.

If all I get to today is watering the garden in a heat wave, that’s okay. (Again… mostly.)

Ironically, I get more meaningful work done now than I did when I was trying to force every day to look the same. And… it’s a lot easier on me, emotionally.

Because I stopped spending so much energy fighting the reality of my own nervous system.

If you're waiting for that magical day when everything finally becomes easy... I get it. I really thought I could get there.

Now I think there's something even better, though: Self-trust.

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